I've Begun

So I've Begun. The start of an era, of a new way, of a new sunrise and sunset perhaps. Blogging. I used to think that blogging was for only for those people who wore ragged jeans, large black hoodies and listened to Evanesence while talking about the horrible job their parents were doing. But then I met my suitemate. What a great person, smart, funny, and organized up the butt! Yes, she introduced me to the blogging world and I think I will enjoy it greatly.

I think it is only appropriate at this point to pay tribute to my door away buddy. She has the most beautiful heart. She is so strong in her beliefs and yes, sometimes stubborn, but never have I heard a word escape her mouth that was inappropriate or uncalled for. She presents herself with poise and God given grace. God has blessed me with a friend I can look up and turn to no matter the issue. She has been there when I'm in the darkest of holes and when I'm dancing in the moonlight. Soon, she will leave. Graduate. Never did I think I would despise that word, until now. May I say, I am immensely proud of her. I have no doubt she will go on to live a life filled with joy with her soon-to-be husband and be one of the best teachers ever to walk in front of a classroom. Now, before I tear up, thank you Janna for every smile and piece of happiness you have embedded into my life; I will never forget you.

Now a bit on life. At this moment, I don't think I will make it to Friday. I don't. It seems impossible and unimaginable. I am frustrated, stressed, and irritable. I am edgy and there is so much on my platter I can't even begin to begin. So, instead of beginning the thousands of tasks that I have before me, I begin this. My Blog. And today, while the stacks of books and research titles are staring at me, I would like to discuss a very popular issue, Relationships

Now that's a sticky subject. There are some who gush at this point wanting to spill every detail about their current status which more than likely is no older than three months. Then there are those who sigh and smile, the 9 month people. And finally there are those who have been married or attached for years and they look at you and say, "whew where to begin". Relationships, no matter who is in them, are hard. They take work and committment. Sometimes you get so involved that your love and committment to them take over and it is almost dangerous. Like me, for example. I've been in a relationship for awhile and I love him dearly. One problem. I do not love everyone else dearly. I would like to keep him to myself, I would like to think I am the only one to light up his eyes, make him laugh out loud, and make him want to stay up all night pouring his heart out.... but....I'm not. I am not the only one. I am not the only one to make him smile the way he does. This is something I am LEARNING to accept; it is something that takes time. Tonight there was a test, and I failed. Instead of accepting the fact that there are others and there will always be, but I am still the only one in the relationship with him, I was sucked in and was jealous. Ah the age old jealousy. Need I say more?

After tonight, after this post, my jealousy will end. I will sigh and lay my head down and never speak a word. There is no need to burden my love with the issue that is solely mine, yet in some odd way, I want him to notice that something is wrong and pay more attention to me.

Well.... it is too long. Until next time, remember: Cherish the friends you love while you have time with them, and learn to trust the love you know is alive.


- Out of Breath.